We're Back: A Dinosaurs Story Elsa interview
by H.G.Wells
Summary: A mock interview with Elsa the pterodactyl in The Guardian newspaper in 2008, with Sir Simon Jenkins. The Pterodactyl continues to live at the museum and give exhibits with the others, and is also a comedian and editorial cartoonist. Now updated!


**Elsa's Adventures**

Simon Jenkins meets a member of the group known as "The Mesozoic Four" in an exclusive interview with Elsa the Pterodactyl, a massive contributor to knowledge of the dinosaur era, as well as to the world of comedy and cartoons in her recent career

**Friday 1****st**** March, 2008**

**The Guardian**

The American museum of natural history in New York City puts on a grand appearance as always, with its colourful attractions and 19th century architecture, a worthy rival to the London Natural History museum that appeals to adults and children alike. Having passed it many times, I can't help but be impressed, but this time there are butterflies in my stomach as I step out of the yellow NY cab to meet what was, and still is, one of its greatest attractions – and residents.

Those four great attractions still reside in the museum, their double-sized apartments sealed within. When they were first known only to their young visitors, they largely remained secret, remaining in the museum for most of their lives. But when they gradually became more and more known to the general adult public, due to the decision made by Dr. Julia Bleeb and Rex's regular trips to the golf course, other museums and individuals around the country and soon around the world wanted to meet them. Since then the dinosaurs have regularly travelled the globe, starting with their first foreign visit to the Natural History Museum in London. The eyes of the gang's sole flying member light up as she remembers that visit.

"I'll never forget it. When we arrived at the museum, crowds of Londoners were cheering us. I just loved the city so much, and the museum too. I still do, and always take an opportunity to go there when I have the time."

And did they leave the crystal park models and _Walking with Dinosaurs_ in the dust?

"I don't want to sound too boastful!" She laughs heartily. "But I think we provide something radically different from models which are based on what people know at the time, especially those models. We are not based on a theory. We are the real thing, at the end of the day."

But keeping her pledge of modesty, Elsa believes that models, animations and live dinosaurs are part of the same appeal.

"When people built those models, they wanted to bring back something that was lost to them. People have a sentimental feeling about the past, especially children. They want to witness the past, to see and touch it. That's why stories about time travel are so popular. We give people that, and they love it, just like people loved _Walking with Dinosaurs_."

In fact she served on the consultant team for that documentary and others, as well as the second and third _Jurassic Park _films, in particular the scene showing Pterosaurs hunting Sam Neil and William H. Macy. DVDs of the BBC series and the _Jurassic Park _and _Land Before Time _films share the bookshelf in the study of her apartment, along with posters of all three Dinosaur epics. She laughs as she remembers her role in the Pterosaur scene.

"They wanted me to give them some idea of what a Pteranodon hunting prey would look like. I gave them a demonstration of the flight patterns, but the animators said I looked too civilised. So I put on my wild personality, and several of them fainted!"

We almost kill ourselves with laughter.

"Though I did swoop down on them, claws drawn! Steven Spielberg was there as executive producer, and said that if the animators were pissing themselves about seeing me, maybe they weren't up to animating what I did! But I said that since they were so traumatised, what I did would stay in their minds well enough to look exactly like the real thing!"

And did they do a good job of that?

"Oh yes, a very good job actually, I saw it myself. I reckon though, that if they'd filmed me doing it in live action that film would have been rated 18 instead of PG 13."

Besides her collection of films, she has a substantial library, including books on prehistoric life, as well as every novel and biography one could think of. We sit alone in her study – the other dinosaurs are currently on individual book tours. I ask her if they're worried about separation.

"Not really" she says, quite seriously this time. "We've been a family since we met each other. But each of us has their own story to tell about our old lives. Dweeb's book contains accounts of evading predators; Woog's is about the fights he got into and what he stepped on, Rex mostly talks about his shame of being a violent predator. I have my own stories as well."

Her autobiography, detailing her hatching over 65 million years ago on the islands that would soon form Oxfordshire (her exact birth date is still unknown) is among her many books. It includes accounts of hunting and narrow escapes from mosasaurs attempting to jump from the sea and snatch her from the air – a fate that met most Pterosaurs near the sea.

"There are many exciting things to remember about my old life, but there are some very shameful things as well. Most of them I don't like to remember, because I know that I was a bully. But what can I do? All four of us had a smaller brain back then. We've evolved now."

One of the photos on her deskshows her with Felicity Kendal, the actress who provided the Elsa voiceover for the film _We're Back!_ which is based on the story of their arrival in 1993, and their experience with Professor Screweyes and his eccentric circus, where they were literally turned into monsters before being turned back. The film had been made soon after, but the existence of New York's now most famous residents was kept secret at the time. Despite this, Elsa and Kendal became close friends, and remain so to this day.

"I was so glad she was playing me!" she says in her fine, upper-class English accent. "She really does have the same voice as I do, and I was much too modest to play myself."

This leads me to ask how much of the film is accurate.

"Oh nearly all of it, except the part about a romance between me and Rex. They added that to increase the entertainment factor."

She then becomes more serious as she remembers the eccentric circus.

"We're still living with the trauma of his brain drain. Doctors say some of it is still in our bodies. So we have regular doses of brain grain cereal. The pills have long since worn off, though. And we're not about to turn savage again, given where we are now."

Indeed the entertainment factor plays a large part in the appeal of the four dinosaurs. It must irritate some hard scientists and palaeontologists that Elsa the pterodactyl, along with her other three companions in the Mesozoic four, openly admits does not see herself as an educator, but as an entertainer, and a children's friend, despite the fact she has contributed heavily to a growing body of knowledge about the dinosaur era. They often say that young palaeontologists were just as fascinated about reading of scientific discoveries with respect to the prehistoric era through children's books and lectures, and that the Mesozoic four are little more than children's entertainers, and the fact that she admits that this is mostly the case seems to support their arguments. But she rejects their line of thinking, pointing out that teams of university lecturers travel with the dinosaurs to give lectures after their show, so academic learning is also given. And in a very eloquent speech, brought on by tons of Captain Neweyes' "Brain grain" cereal, she destroys the opposing argument.

"The most wonderful thing is that we reach out to children around the world. They see something that would stay with them for the rest of their lives that had been taken away from them by history. They see what they used to think they could not see – what they've always dreamed about. We were giving them something magical, just like Dr. Bleeb and Captain Neweyes said we would. They make friends with us, and we talk to and entertain them. We talk about what we saw, what our old lives were like. And I think kids take that with them more than all the science and lectures.

"The voice of education is a headmaster's voice. It says 'Right, sit down, be quiet, listen to me, and you will learn something!' Children aren't inspired by that, unless it's an exceptionally good teacher. Our voice is 'We're back, and you'll never guess what we know about the dinosaur era!' We're not teachers or lecturers, we don't preach to anyone. We just share our enthusiasm for the past and for the children. We're the cartoon dinosaurs and imaginary friends that kids love, but also the drawings and model dinosaurs that have come to life, and get to meet in real life, and learn about history through our conversations. That way, they not only become interested about the past, but they embrace it like a storybook or long lost friend. It's like those education programmes about the Holocaust where children get to sit down and talk with survivors and witnesses of Auschwitz and Dachau, or where they read Ann Frank's diary. They come to know these people, and understand what they saw and went through – they are put in their place. It's a more personal way of learning, and I think it's the best way. Education needs to change."

Though the prehistoric quartet have been a much greater hit with young children than Ann Frank's diary, partly because of their less depressing profiles, and also because dinosaurs have always been a much loved topic among youngsters. Most adults struggle to understand that, especially when their children know much more about prehistoric life than they do, often playing the role of educated scientist in front of their parents.

"Children are naturally inquisitive. As soon as they hear about or see something they don't know about, whether its trucks or planes that they see, they are fascinated. But the dinosaurs are something they couldn't see before, but are inquisitive about. So they just love to read and read about them, or when they get the chance, come and see us."

It's not just children who the Mesozoic four appeal to. Palaeontologists and scientists from all over the world come to visit them, and sometimes take samples of skin or blood. Not the most appealing part of the job, In Elsa's words. They also perform X-rays and other check-ups, though Elsa and the others have sworn never to permit any dissection of their bodies, even after death. Scientists have hoped they will change their position.

"Never" says Elsa, shaking her crested head. "Over our dead bodies – and even then they won't be allowed to do it."

In addition, well-known personalities from around the world pay much to see four living dinosaurs – a more enjoyable part of the job. The dinosaurs themselves have become well-known personalities, and are regularly interviewed and hosted. Two of them have since launched their own careers.

"Rex loves golf, and that's why he's competed in major events. He might be in the Olympics. Dweeb and Woog write now and then – Dweeb's now a journalist for the _New York Times_. He might join your paper, if you're lucky."

We laugh once more.

"And of course I have my career in show business, which is mostly comedy. I got hooked to it in 1997, and have never given it up ever since."

Elsa became noted for her sense of humour and intelligence during her many conversations with children, who said she was "the funniest one". In many of her lectures to children and adults, she sent the auditoriums roaring with laughter. HBO then offered her a job and a weekly half-hour stand-up show, which soon became a success and was extended to one hour. Elsa has been rated as being every bit as funny as human comedians. Since then _The Elsa Show_'s broadcasting range has spread beyond comedy central, to Europe and Australia.

"Being funny isn't that difficult, as long as you have plenty of ideas in your head, and you're good at speaking. I read and write a lot, so I gain a lot of ideas. And I share my show with other comedians from time to time, and they make it so enjoyable."

She is also a very skilled artist. Her first ever painting to be published was of the aftermath of the 1994 WTC bombing, which is still on display in the Met museum of art in New York.

"It was really something I just did in my spare time, often between exhibits. I have the hands for it, as you can see. I sometimes drew portraits of the children I sat down with, as well as views of the museum. What inspired me to release my work was when Dweeb caught a glimpse of me painting one of the skeletons on display, and he said 'You know Elsa, those paintings are great. I could sell them and get rich.' So to protect my work, I've been publishing art ever since, though I concentrate on editorial cartoons now."

Having applied her art to her comedy, she drew editorial cartoons for various papers, including guest cartoons for the _Guardian_. The paper has since admitted her as a regular cartoonist, alongside Steve Bell and Martin Rowson. Elsa is a great admirer of their work, and regards them as two of her inspirations in art and comedy.

"The great thing about those two is that they don't hold back. Steve shows no mercy with the _If_ strip, and Martin really does not know where to stop. He's such a fun person. All three of us were hosting an exhibition of British satire in London last year, inside a very tall building. It was just before anyone had arrived, and we were all alone together in the exhibition room. Then Martin suddenly said to me, when Steve was in the toilets 'You can fly well and have strong talons, right? Well if I quickly open this window, you can grab Bell, fly him out, drop him down on the pavement, and we'll have the _Guardian _to ourselves.' He then turned round to see Steve towering above him with a sly grin on his face!"

We burst out laughing. Every employee of the paper knows Martin Rowson well.

"But we really do get on well with one another, and we're always sharing our ideas. We have the same tastes in good cartoons. I particularly like their drawings of Tony Blair and John Major. Steve's drawing of the latter with his underpants outside his trousers just cracks me up. It's exactly what satire should be about."

One only has to look at her cartoons, with their merciless depictions of political leaders in often disfigured forms, and scathingly showing the stupidity of international affairs, to see Rowson and Bell's influence. It beggars the question who her other inspirations are.

"For Cartoons, I've always liked David Low. He always had some idea of what was going on. As for comedy, it's mostly the people I get to work with. And I have gained the opportunity to work with so many wonderful people over the years."

She has also made numerous appearances on popular television shows in America and Britain, _The Daily Show with John Stewart_,_ The Late Show with David Letterman_, _Parkinson_, _Have I Got News For You_,_ Larry King Live_,_ The Tonight Show with Jay Leno_, and_ Real time with Bill Maher _to name a few. The morning talk show _The View_ recently offered her a place as a co-host.

"Barbara Walters offered me the post in February 2008. I have many more projects going on, but I'll still find the time. And I'll never let down the children who come to see me."

Not that the volume of work deters Elsa. She is ruthlessly efficient, and manages to do her show on television every Friday night from autumn to early summer every year, and the same with her exhibitions at the museum every Saturday, without fail, excluding Christmas holidays. She draws batches of cartoons every day apart from Sunday, her day of rest. That way, she always has something for her editors, "though once I started working solely for the Guardian, the pressure decreased". On top of that, she performs stand-up shows every few months, usually in the summer, while finding time to write, usually during her holidays, writing being "a form of leisure for me". Among her writings are contributions to the _Private Eye_ magazine in the UK, where she spends some of her time. Yet she is still not deterred from sitting alongside Joy Behar and Barbara Walters from Monday to Thursday.

"It's only in the mornings, I always find time in the afternoons to work, and the pressure isn't quite as great as it may seem. I do find time for holidays, and _The View_ does allow time off, I do watch it. I think it would be great, to get to be funny, work with good people and comment on some things which I think are important, politics most of all."

Politics and news form a major theme in her comic style, as well as general satire, "a sort of humbug response to most things" in Elsa's words, her genre being observational comedy.

"It's something that needs to be observed, because it will affect what goes on around you. And often what goes on in the world is not a political issue, but a moral one. Much of it is so insane you can do nothing but make fun of it. And you see so much that is corrupt and wrong that you have to satirise it, whatever your politics or that of your targets. That's why it often seems like satire is aimed at everything, when it's not."

Although her elegance and voice give her an essence of a grand English Lady, Elsa is very clear about whom she makes fun of, and who in her words, and the words of other comedians, should be made fun of.

"If you're making fun of other people in a harsh way, you should always make fun of people more powerful than you are, or people who are becoming too big for their boots, whether it's a president, prime minister, dictators, generals, CEOs, Coll-calling companies, Tabloids, Religious fundamentalists, Transport systems, right wing pundits, Fox News or anyone who thinks they are absolutely right and perfect enough to dominate everything. When you do that, you remind them that they are just like everybody else, and they should not get to big for their boots, mistreat others, or behave arrogantly or if they are doing that, you are defying them. If you make fun of someone equal to you, it's usually offensive or just friendly joking. If you make fun of someone who is below you, an ordinary person who has not done anything, then you become a bully.

"I remember in one of our exhibits I talked with one boy who was badly bullied at school, and was made fun of every day. He was in tears when he talked about it. I comforted him with my wing, and I made fun of the bullies he told me about. That made him laugh, and he felt better. Then when the gang that had tormented him came round after him on a second visit to me, he pointed them out in the crowd. So I called them up to the stage, and invited them to hear Rex roar. Before they could protest, Rex split their eardrums, and they ran off, scared out of their wits. I made fun of them for that, and constantly joked about how only they ran away. That's what I believe the best comedy is about – attacking the bullies, comforting the afflicted and afflicting the comfortable, and that applies to politicians in particular. Just like how I remember Stubs the clown making fun of old Screweyes, the powerful one, instead of scaring the people below him, mocking them for their fears."

May this be a result of her previously seeing herself as a bully?

"Yes, I would say so. I have evolved into something better, and I hope human beings will as well. That is why I mostly stand with the people who are always bullied, and I send a message to the bullies."

This belief has lead her to being described as a "liberal" in the American media, a term she considers ridiculous, since "I just say what I think makes sense", not observing labels. Yet she does occasionally court controversy, and like Ian Hislop of the _Private Eye_ (whom she also admires), she is relentless in her satire irrespective of the consequences. Out of the four dinosaurs, she is the one most often subject to lawsuits. In one of her recent cartoons in _The Guardian_, she drew Rupert Murdoch as her old enemy Professor Screweyes, with the screw being labelled with _The Sun_ and _Fox News _logos. The cartoon featured the caption "Screweyes is back! This time with a new body". This prompted _News international_ to sue £500,000 for libel, on the account that it depicted the tycoon as "a criminal who should not be compared with anyone in public life" and they won the case. Elsa still considers the whole thing laughable to this day, since "there is no reason why I should not have compared them".

She also encountered major controversy in the year 2000, in which she satirised the share tipping scandal at the _Daily Mirror_ in one of her contributions to the _Private Eye_, claiming that it showed "The editor is taking evacuation procedures from the failed newspaper, its sales in ruins", comparing it to evacuation procedures of UN forces from Somalia, and presenting it like a war correspondents work. She also mocked the paper at a large stand up show in London. This incurred the wrath of an infuriated Piers Morgan, then editor of the tabloid, particularly because she was one of the first to use the label "Piers Moron", inflaming the decade long feud between Morgan and _Eye _editor Ian Hislop, who insisted that she use the insulting label. Elsa was also not spared from hounding by Morgan's people, although according to her, it only went on for a few weeks, while Hislop was hounded for over three months.

"It was so pathetic that he tried to launch some sort of campaign against me and Ian. He spent well over 60 percent of the _Mirror_'s resources in trying to 'dig up dirt' on us, and offered God knows how much money for a story. He kept saying that he would release some "revelation" about us in his paper, and of course he never did. But he gave Ian a hard time by having his house watched, and he sent photographers and people from the _Mirror _after me as well.

"Piers had someone in a helicopter take a long-range photograph of me flying above Manhattan, and then invented some stupid scandal that I was breaking U.S. airspace laws. That soon turned out to be a load of rubbish, since I have permission from the authorities to fly, as a form of exercise, and I always stay out of the way of aircraft. It just showed that he was desperate and wasn't finding anything good for his paper.

"The _Daily Mirror_ even called the museum curator, you know. In the end Piers wasted his time and his money, because he found nothing. He was basically trying to intimidate us, and it backfired because it probably caused the sales of his paper to drop. He made himself look like a total bully and a hypocrite, since he was accusing the press of intruding on his privacy over the financial scandal, and then he started doing the same thing to us."

Elsa is widely perceived by her fans as "the enemy of the corrupt, bullying and hypocritical". Besides Piers Morgan and Rupert Murdoch, she has also clashed with the owner of the _Harrods _department store. Mohammed Al-fayed had long been a target of her comedy, particularly in the _Private Eye_. But a full-blown public feud began in 2002, when the two appeared on _Parkinson_, but failed to keep their mutual contempt off-screen. Al-Fayed claimed that the death of Diana, his lack of UK citizenship and other incidents revealed that much of the British establishment, particularly the Royal family, were corrupt and "hiding behind respectability, with no substance behind." It was then that Elsa exclaimed "If that's true, then what are you?" She then said "You seem to be very anti-establishment for someone who owns _Harrods_ and assumed the title 'Al-fayed.'" She also accused him of blackmailing journalists who disputed his accusations with regards to the Diana case, blocking investigations into his background and illicit activities, and having her and her home in London watched. Al-Fayed denied all of this, and asked her "did you have tea with Prince Phillip today? He was looking for a snake, and got the next best thing." They argued throughout the course of the show, despite Michael Parkinson's attempts to keep the peace. That episode is seen as being particularly memorable in the history of the show.

Since then, the two have clashed bitterly, and in that same year Elsa was heckled at a book signing in the UK by "demonstrators" waving placards with the slogans "Stop hiding the Truth", "Elsa - Fly away home!" and "This is for Diana and Dodi". It was shortly revealed that they were in the pay of Al-Fayed. She responded with a broadside of cartoons and articles aimed at her nemesis. She also received support in this from her ally and good friend Ian Hislop, who joined in her mass attacks on Fayed, a long time enemy of the _Private Eye_. The feud died down slightly when Al-Fayed left for Switzerland in 2003 and Elsa concentrated her efforts on attacking the Iraq war, only to flare up again when he returned to Britain two years later. Recently Elsa mocked the _Harrods_ boss over the Diana inquest on her show, calling it a waste of court time. This lead to Al-Fayed accusing her of being affiliated with MI6, leading Elsa to introduce herself on her show as "Agent Elsa, MI6, loyal servant of the British Empire."

"He gave me the best punch line with that wild accusation of his. He's every comedian's dream, a sitting duck for any satirist."

One of her most recent large controversies was the drawing in the summer of 2006 of what was widely regarded as hideous caricatures of George W. Bush with Arial Sharon and other Israeli hard-line leaders in relation to the Israel-Lebanon war, leading to the caricature being banned in both Israel and the U.S.A. She was frequently called an "anti-Semite", and her mailbox was flooded with thousands of angry e-mails, including some death threats. She doesn't take them too seriously.

"Most of those people are just bored young people. Many of them would not have the courage to do what they say."

More serious though, were the lawsuits from various groups and individuals, some as high as US 3 million. Eventually she released an open statement to the press, assuring the "Jewish community and the people and nation of Israel that no harm or offence was intended" and that the cartoon was directed against the right wing in Israel and the Bush administration. This has been the only thing close to an apology in her satire. According to her, the majority of Jewish people and Israelis would have applauded the cartoon and that much of the reaction to it came from "Fox News and other like-minded simpletons" who mislead the public as to what she was saying. She does not take such extreme reactions to seriously, whether they come from newspaper editors, tycoons or politicians.

"It just proves that I'm totally justified in making fun of these people, because you can tell by the way they respond that they're not used to criticism. They need to get used to it now, because you can't let people have their own way."

I ask her how her companions respond to her satirical shenanigans.

"Sometimes they say 'you're mad, you're going too far, you should talk to your editor about it.' Most of the time though, they applaud what I do, and even defended me in public once or twice. And I nearly always send them laughing."

She always says she is not of the left. Yet Elsa feels very strongly about her beliefs, appearing at some anti-war, environmentalist or human rights demonstrations. She also supported the 2007 Hollywood writer's strike; regularly making fun of the producers which the union claimed sparked the strike, although she was cautionary about union militancy. However, she is always clear who she sides with in her politics.

"I always stand up for those protestors, because they go out to stand up for others and what they see as wrong. They make moral choices. The people they face don't make moral choices."

Her feelings in her comedy also reflect her private life. She never bothered to reply to an invitation from George W. Bush to visit the White house.

"He basically wanted a photo shoot. It was all about trying to make him look good, and I didn't see how it would directly benefit me."

She showed the same attitude to a similar invitation from Tony Blair to visit Number Ten. And she turned down New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani.

"He wanted me to do a flypast while towing a banner for one his campaigns for mayor, like an advertising plane. I refused by all means, firstly because I don't do flypasts, secondly because I don't endorse politicians, thirdly because I only got one week's notice and fourthly…"

She pauses. Sod Rudy?

"Yes, Sod Rudy."

Her politics has not deterred fans. She and her three companions still receive thousands of visitors every day. Including a boy and girl, now in their twenties, who are very dear to them.

"Louie and Cecilia are married now, and they're about to have their first child. We went to their wedding, and we're still good friends to this day. They were the first kids we met, and I still love them very much. They really helped us come to love human children."

Indeed, Children are most dear to Elsa, since "they have open minds" and "accept what they hear, rather than argue." Though not necessarily a virtue, she does see hope in children for that reason, since they can be raised for good rather than evil, and thereby make a better world.

"I always remind myself of that whenever we meet children. And I think it's a shame that some people out there see them as a nuisance, and treat them inhumanely. Maybe that's why we continue to have the problems we have now. That's why I won't leave the kids who love us behind. Ever."

Following cloning technology development, it was acknowledged that the dinosaurs would not live forever, although the Brain grain massively expanded their lifespan as well as their brains. The scientists who perfected cloning offered the dinosaurs a chance to have a child through cloning their DNA. Elsa accepted the offer, the others are still sitting on the fence. There had been some concern that it would lead to dinosaurs supplanting humans, but Elsa argues against this.

"I am only having one child. My daughter will provide me with someone to love. We're not going to get rid of humanity, that's impossible. We're back, but we want to live side by side. We've benefited from human society."

Has she considered a name for her child?

"Not exactly. But I know I'll be happy to have finally laid an egg."


End file.
